I Love Me, Loud: Choosing God’s Voice Over Everyone Else’s

Let’s get real for a minute…

What are you speaking over your life?

What are you focusing on?

Are you believing what the Lord has spoken over your life — or what people have?

I recently heard the song “I Love Me, Loud” by China Styles. 

It really made me open my eyes and question alot of things.  It made me reflect on the voices I’ve allowed to shape my identity — and whether they aligned with God’s truth.

This topic couldn’t have come at a better time. It’s something I’ve wrestled with for most of my life.

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Growing Up in Church — But Not “Fitting” the Mold

I grew up in church. Sunday mornings. Wednesday nights. Special services. From under a year old through high school, that was my routine.

But I was never the “textbook” Pentecostal Christian.

I didn’t fall in line perfectly. I didn’t follow the rules to a tee. I was the girl with colored hair, piercings, and eventually tattoos.

I had my first child at a young, not-exactly-accepted age — and out of wedlock.

Maybe no one said anything directly to me. But they didn’t have to. The looks. The demeanor. The unspoken tension. It was enough to know where I stood with the people who claimed to be my family in Christ.

Don’t get me wrong — I learned a lot in church. Good and bad.

When I was finally old enough to make my own decisions, I walked away from God and dove headfirst into the world.

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The Slow, Gentle Pull Back

Fast forward about ten years.

My mom — who never gave up her faith — slowly led me back to the Lord without even realizing it.

The smallest things you think aren’t impactful or important can be the turning point for someone else.

She always had K-LOVE playing in her car. At first, it irritated me. “Jesus music” every time I got in the car? I’ll pass.

But slowly… it grew on me.

It became the only station I listened to.

Eventually, it became the only type of music I wanted to hear.

Things were starting to look up. 

But then I went through a really difficult pregnancy and birth with my third (and last) child. Three days later, we lost my six-year-old nephew.

I questioned everything.

But who was I to question God?

What could have pushed me completely away from Him instead drove me straight into His arms.

I didn’t have answers — I still don’t — but I knew there had to be more than the life I was living.

Music played a massive role in bringing me back. I get lost in every aspect of it. I don’t just hear music — I feel it. The lyrics. The voices. Every instrument.

Christian music made me hungry to grow, to understand, to know God for myself.

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Choosing God for Myself

My husband, who grew up Catholic, and I started “church shopping.” It wasn’t easy. Eventually, we found a church.

But I struggled.

I don’t look the part.
I’m not perfect.
I have baggage.
I’ve made mistakes.

How could they accept me?

This time was different. I wasn’t being told to go to church. I was choosing it. I wanted a relationship with God — but I didn’t know how to do it.

I didn’t know how to pray.
I didn’t know what was “okay” to say.
I didn’t know how to walk this out.

Just like life doesn’t come with a handbook, neither does this walk with God.

I kept my head down. Stayed quiet. I tried not to cause problems.

But church communities are welcoming. They pull you out of your shell whether you’re ready or not.

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The Pedestals We Build

One of the biggest things I had to unlearn?

I placed regular, normal people on impossibly high pedestals because of titles and how I was raised to respect authority.

Honor and respect? Absolutely. Don’t we all deserve that?

But walking on eggshells as if they have the final say over my life? No.

It took me a long time to realize: they’re human too.

And here’s the truth —

None of us are exempt from failure.

We are all broken to some extent.

And that is why I am grateful for a gracious and merciful God.

STOP attaching a perfect Jesus to imperfect people.

The anger I sometimes felt wasn’t really anger. It was sadness, disappointment and hurt.

Hurt from watching people I wanted to love and trust fall from pedestals I unfairly put them on.

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When You Don’t Feel Good Enough

Some days, I still struggle.

Some days I feel like I don’t belong. Like I’m not enough. Like I don’t quite fit.

But then I remind myself:

• I was made for such a time as this. (Esther 4:14)
• I am fearfully and wonderfully made. (Psalm 139:14)
• I am God’s workmanship. (Ephesians 2:10)
• I can do all things through Christ. (Philippians 4:13)
• Nothing can separate me from His love. (Romans 8:38–39)
• We have ALL fallen short. (Romans 3:23)
• “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” (2 Corinthians 12:9)

My walk is not theirs.

I don’t have to shrink. I don’t have to beg for belonging. I don’t have to explain my existence.

I used to pour everything into others and try to run on empty.

But we were never created to conform and fall in line with things of the world and the flesh.

When we lay our flaws and incapabilities at His feet, that’s where we find strength!

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People Label. God Names.

People label you through the lens of their experiences.

God names you through the lens of what He placed inside you.

Every rejection.
Every church wound.
Every toxic leader.
Every personal failure.

He will use it. And He will use you!

As Natalie Runion writes in her book Raised to Stay:

“We eventually grow up and learn in every church there are rituals, traditions, sacraments and heritage of home, but as with any house it comes with dysfunctional family members, painful memories, and hidden secrets that often go to the grave with its patriarchs.”

Church is made up of people.

And people are imperfect.

But God? He never changes the way He sees us.

He makes beautiful mosaics from our broken pieces so His light can shine through the cracks.

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Stay on the Narrow Road

You are part of the remnant.

You are one of the few who continue forward on the narrow road — even after disappointment. Even after deep hurt.

How you handle dark seasons ministers to someone watching.

Be encouraged: it won’t always be this way.

Stay in tune with God’s voice through all the noise.

Take the hard steps. Have the hard conversations — with honor and respect. Be vulnerable. Risk being hurt in order to be loved.

Go and make disciples, not followers!

And remember:
“Death and life are in the power of the tongue…” (Proverbs 18:21)

So I’ll ask you again:

What are you speaking over your life?

Choose wisely.

And maybe — just maybe — it’s time to love yourself loud.